Today I dropped two of my kids off at school, and headed to the food store with the third. I came home, put the groceries away, changed and fed the baby, and got out the door to get in some exercise at the park before picking up my girls from school.
I did it all with a smile on my face and a spring in my step.
Almost exactly three years ago I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression after the birth of my second child. I never would have thought that this is where I would be in three years. I couldn’t have imagined having third baby, and being happy. I didn’t want to have any more kids at the time. I didn’t want to have any kids. Period. I didn’t even want to be me.
People told me it would get better. People told me that it wouldn’t always feel the way I did. People told me that one day I would feel good again. I couldn’t believe it. The thought of getting out of bed every morning filled me with dread and anxiety. My husband would say to me, every morning, “Good Morning! It is going to be a GOOD day.”
And I would reply, every morning, by saying, “If it is a good morning. Which I doubt.”
(If you don’t recognize that line, it is what Eeyore says to Pooh in greeting in his birthday story.)
But I did get better, and I did start to feel good again. It took 18 months of hard work (physical and mental), medication, and the constant support from my husband, mom, and dad, but I got better.
And here I am smiling, with three kids. When my husband says to me in the morning, “I hope you have a good day!” I reply by saying, “I will!”
I think about my husband a lot, and the choices we make together to keep our kids healthy, happy, and safe. I think about those decisions and I feel confident that they are good decisions.
And then I think about how grateful I am that I have the ability to make decisions for us at all, because at one time I didn’t believe I could.
The potential to fall back into depression with the birth of my third was very scary. And yet here I am. I know now that there is a very fine line between happiness and depression, between confidence and anxiety. I am here, with my husband and kids, walking that line, trying to stay balanced.
So far, so good.
(PS as far as I know, the Emmy’s were a success. I’m waiting to get feedback from The Artisan Group, but so far everything that I’m hearing is positive.)
(PPS I put some fall images up in the shop. Remember that you can choose ANY print to have as an eco-mount. More fall images will be added to the shop soon!)