{14 :: 365} New Jersey Child Photographer

Momma confession:
I have a fickle temperament which is made really unpredictable by PPD. My husband and I talk about going to see someone about a mood stabilizer from time to time, but I really believe in the power of positive thinking and the support of others can help me work it out. In fact, i’ve been getting better every day.

I’m a HALTer. In case you dont know, HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and are key words used in addiction recovery. I’m not addicted to any substances in that sense, but there are people who believe that you can become addicted to being depressed. It sounds crazy, but coming from where I’ve been, I can see it.

Anyway, I try to be aware of what my body is telling me to in order to avoid meltdowns or blowups. I try to be patient with my kids, but if I’m HALTing, forget it. I get irritated (especially when I’m saying something for the 20th time) and need a release. It usually comes in the form of me scolding or putting them in time-out. Scolding? Not effective. Time out? Very effective. They know that we all just need to walk away and take a deep breath. We don’t use it as a punishment, but rather a cool down.
That doesn’t stop the mommy guilt though. After I snap at them, or stick them in time out, I ALWAYS feel guilty.

I think that there are a gazillion of things that I could have done differently to avoid it getting to that point.
But then I look at the picture for today and I realize something. For all of the meltdowns or blowups that i wasn’t able to avoid, there are probably two or three that i did.

See that little cherub? She has a temper worse than mine. But, I recognized it starting up and I sat her down with a bowl of bunnies snacks. Crisis averted.
So, I guess that if i continue to be aware of my body, of what my kids are telling me, or where the situations are heading, I can continue to increase the amount of patience, love, and nurturing.

And that’s a good thing.

(beautiful headband from www.flickr.com/photos/millylillyrose/)

(crossposted at http://www.flickr.com/photos/7565577@N04/4274562000/)

  • I see the image full sized (I’m using firefox and the resolution on my screen is 1920 x 1200)
    I also see a little girl with a big sis that are learning that its ok to sit down, step back and calm down. That feelings are ok, and how to handle anger. Darn that mommy guilt. Kailey gets put into time out if I need to cool down too. I tell her that Mommy needs a time out too and we’re going to sit in our own chairs and calm down.
    Very good thing indeed.

  • I saw the full sized image in Google Reader, but here on typepad, the right image is cut.
    Beautiful image, beautiful girl, and beautiful and encouraging words. I’m a HALTer too!

  • I can see the full image, love this picture! My little Charlotte has the same leg warmers. : )
    I give you a lot of credit for talking about this issue and working on yourself, good for you. Big hugs to you!

  • Granna

    Left side is good, the right side is cut off. Love the headband and the photo center on the flower. And, I love you.

  • Granna

    Oh. The links at the bottom don’t work for me.

  • Great post. I’m in the same boat you are with my 2 boys. I need to try and be more proactive instead of reactive. As for the image, if I completely maximize my screen (27″ iMac, woo) then I can see both. If it’s smaller then the right image gets cropped.

  • Kylie

    I can see the full image in google reader, but not here on the blog.
    Love the sweet leg warmers, and good on you for being able to talk about this. My PPD isn’t something I discuss with anyone really, I wish I could, or did, and then maybe I would be getting out of it faster than I am, baby steps tho right? – and Im a HALTer too.

  • I can see the left image, but the right is cropped. And I too commend you for be so open about your PPD. I have suffered from it too and wish that more people were willing to be open about it — I think it would be so helpful to so many women.

  • You just inspired me for my post today! Hang in there…being a mom is so HARD sometimes…some days (like this morning) I just don’t know how I do it…and I totally have “mommy guilt” for screaming at my kids this morning! Love the pictures today!