People used to say to me, “Oh, you are so lucky”. I thought that it was such a back handed compliment. I’ve worked hard for what I have, for who I am. I don’t get that so much anymore, because I’ve had a little bit of bad luck lately. There have been a lot of *somethings* happening lately, always something to deal with. But that is it right there – we have to “deal” with it. And it is how we deal with it, right? We can allow ourselves to be overcome by grief, overwhelmed by stress and pressure, knocked down by unmet expectations. Or, we can give ourselves a bit of time to “cry it out”, and then work with it – use it to our benefit.
I’m in that place right now. Irritated, questioning, wondering. Thinking.
Before we moved here, we were pretty secluded. Away from our family and friends. Now, we are much closer. Much, much closer. And I realize now that being closer has its challenges as much as it has its rewards. When you have friends and family, true friends and family, you have to make a commitment to take other people into consideration when you make decisions that may involve or affect them in some way. Why do we do this? I mean, wouldn’t it be so much easier to do whatever the heck we wanted? Easier, maybe, but certainly not better. I’m realizing now that I like these people. I like them a lot. So much so, that I am disappointed when I don’t get to see them. Or if something happens that I think of one of my friends, I’ll text them to share a laugh. And even if I don’t get out much, and I have to work around my kids to see them sometimes, its ok. It makes it that much sweeter. So, I’m trying hard. I’m trying really hard. I realize that I may say something that I perceive as harmless, but someone else may not. I may do something that I’m used to doing, but someone could take offense. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not tiptoeing around my friends, but I am trying to be aware of who they are because that is a part of who I am. I like it when everyone is happy, and I like it when I can actively contribute to that happiness.
So, of course that has made me think a little bit about who I am. What I do. About how my friends’ actions affect me in the same way. That their decisions can influence me for better or for worse. I see now that it is more important than ever to know who I am, and to be true to myself.
So I’ve been doing my thing. I’ve been taking pictures, taking care of my home, taking care of my kids (never in that order, lol). And I’ve been driven. Driven to pick up my game. Step up my creativity. Re-focus on the photo projects that I’m involved in, get some new inventory for the shop, and sign up for my annual festivals. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m allowing irritation and frustration to fuel my passion. To ignite my desires and dreams. I’m driven. Driven to create. Driven to see. To be me and do what I do, and to celebrate who I am, and my vision. To allow those around me to inspire me to be… well… me.
Lots of exciting things in the works, all of which I will share with you in time. Until then, let your passions and desires be true to you.
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