There really is nothing like the impending arrival of a new baby to start a mommy’s mind on all the changes that are about to take place. When Thaya was about 8 months old, we found out that we were expecting Aubrie. One of my biggest (and incredibly common) worries was that I wouldn’t possibly be able to love another child as much as I’ve loved my first and (at the time) only child. I just didn’t understand how it was possible to love more when you are already so full of love. Of course the minute Aubrie was plopped on my chest, she look straight into my eyes and smiled – that was all it took to “get it”. You don’t have to divide up your love because your heart just grows. And all of that love overflows into the rest of your soul, and your soul just absorbs it and radiates it. Sure, they share your attention, and this has to get divided, but love? Nope. There is plenty to go around.
So now that I’m going from two to three, I can’t help but think about all of the imminent changes that are about to take place. Right – sleep deprivation, exhaustion, a possible relapse to the world of postpartum depression, but these are the least of my worries. I’m thinking more about how my girls’ relationship is going to change. Thaya and Aubrie will be spending more time apart, Aubrie and Lily will spend more time together than Thaya and Lily. Aubrie will start school, and somehow she will instantly morph into a real child. Say “good-bye” to the baby and toddler days for that one. We’ll still have time together, sure.
But things are going to be different.
When Matt and I had Thaya, it was like she was a part of our lives forever. It is actually hard to feel connected to a time before she was around. When Aubrie came along, it was like we always had two little wonderful girls, I can hardly remember what it was like to have one. Now that we are expecting number three, I know it is going to happen again. These days are coming to an end, and it is sort of bittersweet. I know that when Lily comes, I won’t be able to imagine life any other way, and things will be as wonderful and as blessed as they are now, but I still can’t help thinking that something, somewhere along the lines will go missing. Some little part of us that we have right now will be lost.
It really doesn’t matter though. Because I know for a fact Lily is going to be entirely different from Aubrie and Thaya, she is going to have a firecracker personality, and she is going to expand our hearts even more with so much love that we won’t have time to look back, only happy anticipation for the future.