I have a fickle temperament which is made really unpredictable by PPD. My husband and I talk about going to see someone about a mood stabilizer from time to time, but I really believe in the power of positive thinking and the support of others can help me work it out. In fact, i’ve been getting better every day.
I’m a HALTer. In case you dont know, HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and are key words used in addiction recovery. I’m not addicted to any substances in that sense, but there are people who believe that you can become addicted to being depressed. It sounds crazy, but coming from where I’ve been, I can see it.
Anyway, I try to be aware of what my body is telling me to in order to avoid meltdowns or blowups. I try to be patient with my kids, but if I’m HALTing, forget it. I get irritated (especially when I’m saying something for the 20th time) and need a release. It usually comes in the form of me scolding or putting them in time-out. Scolding? Not effective. Time out? Very effective. They know that we all just need to walk away and take a deep breath. We don’t use it as a punishment, but rather a cool down.
That doesn’t stop the mommy guilt though. After I snap at them, or stick them in time out, I ALWAYS feel guilty.
I think that there are a gazillion of things that I could have done differently to avoid it getting to that point.
But then I look at the picture for today and I realize something. For all of the meltdowns or blowups that i wasn’t able to avoid, there are probably two or three that i did.
See that little cherub? She has a temper worse than mine. But, I recognized it starting up and I sat her down with a bowl of bunnies snacks. Crisis averted.
So, I guess that if i continue to be aware of my body, of what my kids are telling me, or where the situations are heading, I can continue to increase the amount of patience, love, and nurturing.
And that’s a good thing.
(beautiful headband from www.flickr.com/photos/millylillyrose/)
(crossposted at http://www.flickr.com/photos/7565577@N04/4274562000/)